EP 44_Ask Kev_MARRIED & BIPOLAR: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
Kevin Hines:
My name is Kevin Hines. I jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. I believe that I had to die, but I lived. Today, I travel the world with my lovely wife, Margaret, sharing stories of people who have triumphed over incredible adversity. Now, we help people be here tomorrow. Welcome to the HINESIGHT's podcast.
Kevin Hines:
What is cracking, Hope Nation? It is your friendly neighborhood, Kevin Hines. And this is another round of Ask Kev, where you ask the questions all throughout the interwebs and I cultivate your answers into a pot and a bowl of stew, and I mix that stew together to form the answers to your questions right here. The question is how do I make my marriage work when one of us has a mental illness? That person being me, I live with bipolar disorder, type one with psychotic features, which is a mouthful for anybody, it was when they diagnosed me with it at 17, when they rediagnosed me with it at 19, and when they triple-diagnosed me with it at 23. Anyway, how do we make the marriage work? Well, I will tell you the simple answer, rigorous honesty. Always being remarkably honest about what we're going through on both ends. So when I'm struggling mentally, she knows everything I'm going through, everything I'm dealing with, and knows how to accommodate and shift and make sure that I'm safe that day, so when I'm having a depressive episode, I tell my wife. When I'm manic, I know I'm a manic person, and I let her know. If there's a moment of slip in the recognition of one of my symptoms, she lets me know that I'm going through it and I need to calm down. One of the greatest tools we use is she gives me my to-do list. So if I'm having a day where I'm super depressed, really down in the dumps, clinically down, she'll say, get down and give me 50 push-ups and I do. So I listen to my wife when she says I'm going through it, if I'm not self-aware in that moment in time. So together we make a great team, we know what to do together, we know how to battle it together, and we tell each other the truth at every turn so that each of us can get through the day together as a team and a unit. And it means that the marriage can work and that we're unstoppable, unbeatable, unbreakable, as they say. And look, I know it maybe sounds easier than it looks, but we've been at this for the last 13 years, being married, going on 14 years being married, going on 16 years being together, Margaret and I. Shout out Margaret, I love you so much. Thank you for being there to all the hardship, all the pain. And let's make no mistake about it, we've had our rough goes at it. We've had a rough and hard time because of my disease over and over again. I've been in nine psych wards days in my life. Six of them were with while being married to Margaret. Yes, I walked into those myself, but she was just right there holding my arm, walking me to my right or left side just the same. So loyalty is the key. Honesty is the key. And being true in your pain is the key. That's my best advice for what you can do if you're married and you're trying to keep the marriage together while someone lives the mental illness. Guys, I want you to know that you have value, you matter, you're important to me, you are loved, and if nobody else says today, I love you and I want you to stay. Be here tomorrow and every single day after that.
Kevin Hines:
Margaret and I love sharing stories of people who have triumphed over incredible adversity. For more content and inspiration, go to KevinHinesStory.com or visit us on all social media at KevinHinesStory or on youtube.com/KevinHines.
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